Reflections Of Clairo

When you Google Clairo, a number of things stand out in the search results: her Wikipedia page, which reveals her real name, Claire Elizabeth Cottrill, her current tour dates, and a silly YouTube video she made 7 years ago to one of her early songs, ‘Pretty Girl.’ The caption of the video reads, “the reason I made this music video was to actually help myself. on the day i made this, my hair was greasy, my skin was bad, i had nothing to wear, and i didn't want to leave bed. i had just woken up in this video and you can definitely tell (lol).” The then 19-year old continues, “i felt really ugly but realized that it's perfectly okay to feel that way/have those types of days.”

If there is anyone who understands the ride of self-perception in the internet era, it’s Clairo. If her priviness isn't yet palpable, the final part of her caption cements the fact that she's been confronting the concept of self-image for some time: “the song is about a relationship i had where i felt I needed to be the perfect girl for another person.. whether that's wearing makeup, doing my hair, wearing things they like, or even changing the way i speak. so, i felt that the only way i could make this video was to have a lot of fun looking disgusting and not caring at all ! it's okay to have flaws and it's okay to embrace them and it's okay to be silly and stupid. you all might already know this, but i'm happy that i know this now.”

Seven years later, on the heels of the release of her latest album Charm (a dissertation on self-exploration in itself), we asked the artist to weigh in on modern aesthetics, life online, and what strikes her as beautiful today. Below is beauty in Clairo’s words.

Introduction by Megan O'Sullivan

The below words are by Clairo

Beauty to me, is when something is free. Witnessing a person or even places & things that aren’t held down - it’s also something that can’t be helped. She can’t help but be beautiful!

Modern beauty standards impact me all the time, just as they impact you. It’s interesting, I constantly toe the line between caring and not caring at all. But in some ways I always care. I thought it would protect me to never wear makeup, do my hair, or wear clothes that fit me. If I never indulged in any of it then maybe I wouldn’t feel the pressure… But it only distanced me from myself. And I have gone too far in the other direction and completely lost my mind in the process. I have learned I live somewhere in the middle, I don’t really know where yet. I see a lot of things online that’s like, “I don’t know what type of girl I am”… I feel that all the time.

I feel the most beautiful when I’m alone, probably. Especially if I’m walking around or driving- I can choose the song and the environment to feel it in. I hide away a lot, so it’s nice to feel it on your own. I feel beautiful when someone I love says it, too. Or when I’m in a hotel.

Every time I have gotten overwhelmed by self-image or expectations, I have spiraled so far and hard that I end up avoiding mirrors. In a weird way, I think not looking at yourself all the time helps.

There are soooooo many images of me on the internet, it’s insane. And I look different in almost every single one of them. I don’t even know what I look like. Sometimes that sends me into a panic, lol. But I do think that the time I spend away from mirrors in these moments is really beneficial. If I avoid my reflection for long enough, the next time I look at myself is so sweet. She’s almost a stranger- and I can do her hair and makeup that day however I see fit.

I learn most about beauty through animals. I remember waking up early and seeing a family of deer crossing my backyard, or driving home late at night and having staring contests with a red fox. They can’t help but move and walk the way they were born to. And when I see them, or even make eye contact it’s really the most beautiful thing because I know nothing about them, and they know nothing about me… Maybe I’m free to them and maybe they’re free to me.

I think people are the same, everyone is so beautiful when you catch them in a moment like that, being magic. I also think the world understands beauty to have a level of mystery to it!

The process for the album felt so beautiful, I’d say the only real difference was that I worked with a group of people to record a lot of these songs live. That felt really fun. Every record I’ve worked on we’ve always made it by moving through it. There was never a plan or a motive for a specific end result- we just got there together. I think it happened again with Charm. I remember all of it, and still so much of it feels like captured magic. I’m so lucky to make records with people who can realize visions for me. It has happened every time.

I will say this album is opening up a lot of wounds for me, and maybe even forcing a mirror to my face. I feel beautiful on this record, I feel like a woman, I feel like a girl. Honestly, nobody understands the album more than I do. I know where she shines and where she’s ironic and I know when she’s really talking to you! But what’s so cool is that I will never really know you, and you will never really know me. I want Charm to feel like the deer crossing your yard- and you can think about her for as long as you want.