I’m Done With Living 'On Brand'

I’m tired – for a lot of reasons, but I’ve realized that a big factor in my on-going tiredness is that I’m so often trying to curate my life to be… on brand. What do I mean by that? The pressure for every outfit I wear, my apartment decor, the phrases I say, the events I attend, and the photos I post on social media to be very “me" is tiresome, and so is the task of trying very hard to make it that way.

What even is “on brand” for me? Books, cats, plants, thrifted clothes, furniture from Facebook marketplace, glasses, short hair, a general distaste for the sweltering heat of summer, throw pillows.

Not on brand: selfies, absurdly large water bottles, any home decor item that doesn’t absolutely match the aesthetic of my apartment, weekends spent fishing, writing poetry.

I’ve divided my existence up into things that are on brand or not, and somehow it’s become a box in which I now live my life — a set of rules for what I can or cannot do. The brand I built for myself determines so much of my life, morphing into a guidebook that affects my choices, aesthetic, and identity. Some might argue that being on brand is simply another way of talking about personality. Or a way to understand ourselves and our desires.

But living on brand is exhausting.

Recently, my partner and I got engaged, and the selfie we took had weird lighting, kind of shadowy and dark. I – very seriously, though writing this now I admit it was pretty unserious – told him we needed to retake it because it was not on brand for my Instagram. I was embarrassingly worried about it for several days, and when we did finally land on a selfie I liked, I still ended up going with a photo of the ring as the first image of the carousel because it’s not really on brand for me to have a lot of selfies on my feed.

I know I’m not the only one who does this. But why did I feel the need to? Why couldn’t I just leave it at good-enough and be happy with what the photo meant rather than what it looked like? Why did I spend so much energy worrying about it?

For one, I care about what other people think… a lot. But moreover, I care what I think. I want things to look cohesive and “branded” because it’s pretty, it’s nice, it’s safe. There’s no risk involved in doing something consistent with the way you’ve always done it.

Living on brand is not just a social media thing either. I got a cat this year, after swearing – absolutely swearing – my entire life thus far that I was not a cat person. It was not on brand at all for me to get a cat, but I did. And I was worried about it. But you know what? It was one of the best decisions I’ve made, and my cat has brought me so much joy since she joined the fam. I’m definitely a cat person now, and I’m not afraid to admit that I shouldn’t have so strongly put myself into a different category.

Have you ever stopped yourself from trying something outside your comfort zone because of the narrative you tell yourself about who you are or what your brand is? Think of how much less exhausting it would be to just let go and try something new. To feel free to change your mind. To grow and evolve.

So why do we limit ourselves by trying so hard to be on brand? A large part of branding ourselves is to stand out and be unique. But it’s also, in a way, to fit in. If we stick to the rules, we’ll fit into society exactly where we think we should. It’s a way to feel in control of our lives.

The idea of living on brand is not just about our personality. It’s about creating a curated existence. And doing that takes work, time, energy (and money!) that could frankly be spent elsewhere. It also keeps us from trying new things and taking risks. If something is not on brand for me, I’m much more likely to avoid it. But what if I’m missing out?

Maybe I’d enjoy a weekend fishing. Perhaps a giant water bottle would help me stay more hydrated. I don’t think it’d kill me to have some decor in my apartment that wasn’t 100% perfect to the vibe I’m going for. And you know what? I’ve always wanted to try poetry! Just because it’s not something I usually do doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do it. I need to let go of the control I have because keeping up with the brand is too much. I could focus all that mental energy elsewhere.

I hope to let go of the brand and live with a little more gray area. I’m not a brand, I’m a person. People are meant to be expansive, try new experiences, and learn along the way what makes them, them. My life is already mine, regardless of how hard I try to make it feel very “me.” So maybe I should stop trying to make life feel a certain way and instead just live it.